How to deal with your husband or wife who is not supportive
of your work online
First of all, congratulations for choosing to make the decision to learn more about controlling your time!
I believe that as you begin to
implement my techniques, you will be amazed
at how much faster you can accomplish your
goals and how much easier your life becomes!
Let’s get started with the first question:
How do I deal with the fact that my wife
or husband is totally not supportive of
my time online? (I have a unique way of
dealing with this, that gets them onboard with
you and supporting you, instead of continuing
to fight you)
Let’s get started:
First, let’s look at the psychology behind this, then I’ll give you the solution.
Put yourself in your spouse’s shoe for a moment and ask yourself if maybe they have even a shadow of a good reason for thinking you spend too much time online.
Have you been spending the last 3 years online, 3-4 hours a day, telling your wife or husband the whole time that you just need “one more month” that you just need to spend “one more thousand dollars” and “next month our life will change”?
Look, I know that may not be your exact situation…but just fill in the blanks so it matches you and your situation.
The thing is, most of the time, your spouse is justified in feeling like you spend too much time online.
They might even see it as an addiction, they see the money you spend an d
think about the things they wish they could buy with that money,
they see that you are totally “into” the internet…but not
You can see why they might be opposing the time you spend online, right?
So what if you were to tally up the time you spend with your computer right now, and tally up the time you spend with your wife or husband, and add it all together. Then what if you were to balance it out, so you spend half online, and half with them?
For example, maybe right now you spend 4 hours a day online, and you spend 1 hour with your wife or husband.
Add that together, and you have 5 hours. So now you go to your wife or husband and say something in the spirit of this:
“John, I’ve been thinking. It seems like I’ve been spending a lot of time on the computer lately, and even when I spend time with you, my mind is distracted.
I’ve been working with a new coach online, who, believe it or not, wants me to spend less time online, and focus on a few specific things to help me achieve my goals, instead of spending as much time as I am, but without focus.
So here is what I propose:
I know that when you and I spend time together, my mind is distracted, because you know how much I want this “internet thing” to succeed, because it would mean you wouldn’t have to work as much, and we could travel more.
But I want to try something.
I want to spend less time on the computer, but when I am on the computer I will be ultra focused on some very specific actions, my coach has told me to turn email, texting, and search engines off while I am online, and go to a room where there are no distractions, and put in a solid 2 hours of work,
And with the time I am no longer on the computer, I want us to spend more time together. And I am going to make every effort…and you can help me with this… to keep my mind from wandering when we are together.
Somehow I think this might be a little work, and a bit of an adjustment for both of us…but if we get to spend more time together, and maybe finally make something happen online, this would be good for both of us, don’t you think?
Ok, obviously it has to be your words, not mine.
And I also know that it won’t be an easy transition.
It hasn’t been easy in my own life making this happen.
But my wife is totally supportive.
She realizes that this is our income. If I don’t get the un-interrupted time, I would simply have to go back to the corporate world.
And then we couldn’t travel like we do, and I would work more than I do now, and I would be much more tired when I get off work.
Over time, she has seen that it is to her benefit to just let me work – and she knows that when I get off work in the evening, or in the early afternoon – that I am not going to be checking email (I don’t have email on my phone, and I don’t generally open the computer after 5)
It is good for her.
And it will be good for your wife or husband.
But understand, they aren’t coming to this with the same clarity you have now.
They are frustrated with the time you spend online now. They feel like you are wasting your time online. They feel neglected when you are online, and angry when you answer emails when you do spend time with them.
The conversation I just gave you is one that will initiate the process…but if you don’t follow through by being more productive online…it won’t work.
If you don’t follow through by NOT answering emails when you are spending time with them… it won’t work.
You have to earn their trust again on this issue.
You can do it.